How to Book Couples Therapy When One of You Isn't Sure

To book couples therapy, look for a therapist trained specifically in couples work, check their approach, cost, and availability, and contact them for a brief initial call. If one of you is hesitant, you don't need full agreement to start: agreeing to try one to three sessions is often enough. Many therapists can help a reluctant partner feel more comfortable in the first session.

You don't need perfect agreement to book a first session. You need enough willingness to try one.

Step 1: Find the right kind of therapist

Look for someone with specific training in couples therapy, not just individual therapy. Common evidence-based approaches include emotionally focused therapy (EFT), the Gottman Method, and integrative behavioural couple therapy. You don't need to choose an approach in advance, but it can help to read a little about each.

Ways to find one:

• Professional directories in your country.
• Recommendations from a doctor or friends.
• Your health insurance provider's list, if applicable.
• Online therapy platforms that offer couples sessions.

Step 2: Check the practical details

• Cost: per session, and whether sliding-scale or reduced fees are available.
• Format: in person, online, or both.
• Availability: evenings or weekends, if you both work.
• Session length and frequency.
• Cancellation policy.

Step 3: Make initial contact

Many therapists offer a short free call. Useful questions:

• What experience do you have with couples dealing with issues like ours?
• What approach do you use?
• What happens in the first session?
• How do you make sure both partners feel heard?

When one partner is hesitant

It's very common for one partner to be less sure about therapy. Some ways to approach it:

• Ask what worries them. Common fears are being blamed, cost, or not wanting to talk to a stranger.
• Suggest a trial. "Can we try two or three sessions and then decide together?"
• Let them help choose. Involving them in picking the therapist can increase their comfort.
• Consider online sessions, which some people find less intimidating.
• Go alone if needed. If they refuse, individual therapy can still help you, and sometimes the other partner joins later.

Preparing for the first session

• Think about the main issues you want to address.
• Consider what you each hope to get from therapy.
• Agree not to use the session to ambush each other with new grievances.
• Expect the first session to be about getting to know you both and your history.

A worked example

Jade wanted couples therapy, but her husband Tom was unsure. She asked what worried him, and he said he was afraid the therapist would side with her. They watched a short video about how couples therapy works and chose a therapist together after two free calls. Tom liked that the therapist asked both of them to describe what they wanted to change. After three sessions, he was the one who suggested continuing.

Questions to ask each other before booking

• What would we most like to change?
• What are we each nervous about?
• How many sessions are we willing to try before reviewing?
• How will we pay for it, and what budget is realistic?

What if it doesn't feel right?

It's normal for the first session to feel a little awkward. But if, after two or three sessions, either of you consistently feels unheard, judged, or that the therapist takes sides, it's reasonable to raise it with the therapist or to try someone else. Fit matters. Many couples see more than one therapist before finding the right one, and switching is not a failure.

How long couples therapy usually lasts

It varies widely. Some couples come for a handful of sessions to work on one issue; others continue for several months. Many therapists suggest reviewing progress together after six to eight sessions to decide whether to continue, change focus, or stop. Agreeing on a review point in advance can make it easier for a hesitant partner to commit to starting.

Common questions

How do I find a good couples therapist?

Look for specific training in couples therapy, check reviews or recommendations, and use an initial call to see if their approach and manner suit you both.

What happens in the first couples therapy session?

The therapist usually asks about your history, current problems, and goals. It's mainly about understanding your situation and setting a direction.

How much does couples therapy cost?

Costs vary widely by country, location, and therapist. Some offer reduced fees, and online options may be cheaper.

Can we do couples therapy online?

Yes. Many couples find online therapy convenient and effective, especially with busy schedules.

What if my partner refuses couples therapy entirely?

You can still go to therapy on your own. It can help you understand the relationship and decide what you want.